Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
I am 20 years old and have lived in America my whole life. I live in a community where the Muslims are not very strong in Iman. I have many times been in very bad situations where I almost committed zinnah. Alhamdulilah I have decided to live a good life and get married asap. I have found a girl in college and have the ability to marry her. She would like to marry me but her parents want her to wait because her older bro and sister are not married. She is almost 20 years and is very mature. I have had my cousins wife who is married speak to her so she can see if she is good for my deen and she agreed she is good for me. My question is whether she can get married without her parents' permission. There is no reason for them to say no except that I don't know urdu and grew up in America. I practice the deen, and am financially secure. For the sake of our chastity and Islam can we get married without her parents permission and find a wali in place of them? This situation is faced by many youth who prefer Islam over dating and zinnah. They are constantly forced into a situation of zinnah because of societal and parental pressures.
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Brother,
I pray that you have resolved your situation.
Normally, the scholars on SunniPath advise strongly against secret marriages. Only the Hanafi School gives women the option to marry without their guardian's permission, provided the husband is kuf' or legally suitable.
However, since marrying against one's parents' wishes entails so much heartache, scholars urge young people to seek their parents' blessing before getting married.
You and the sister need to impress upon her parents that it is far more superior and pleasing to Allah to let the marriage take place rather than leaving the door open for the unlawful.
The fact that she has older siblings who are unmarried should not prevent her from getting married. The fact that you don't speak Urdu and grew up in America also has no bearing on the situation.
Please find someone who can advocate on your behalf, such as a knowledgeable member of the community or a respected elder.
And Allah knows best.
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