Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
In the Name of Allah, with blessings and peace on the Messenger of Allah
Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,
I pray that this finds you well, and in the best of health and spirits. May Allah grant you all good and success in this life and the next.
Being good to one's parents is an unconditional duty. Allah Most High says,
The verse explains what it means "to be good to parents." It entails:
(a) talking to them respectfully, and avoiding all harsh speech;
(b) treating them with respect, gentleness, and mercy;
(c) being loyal to them, with a sense of dutifulness, and remembering them in their worldly and spiritual needs.
As for obedience, it is often a manifestation of being good to parents. However, obedience is conditional: parents aren't obeyed in the haram or in leaving obligations; nor in leaving sunnas or doing things religiously disliked, unless there is an overriding interest; nor in the non-fulfillment of the rights of others. When one doesn't obey one's parents, one must still be good to them.
And when one obeys them, one has to be careful to do so in a manner that entails 'being good' to them in word and deed. Someone respectfully disobedient could 'be good' to their parents, and someone disrespecfully obedient could fall into the major sin of being bad to parents.
And Allah alone gives success.
[See Related QA.]
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