Marriage and islamic teachings about living with in-laws

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher

Question:

I have received a marriage proposal from an excellent practicing and knowledgable muslim brother, Alhamdullillah. The only hinderance in making any decision is that he and his family (including his younger brother) want to live together in one house, meaning everyone living on the same floor, sharing one bathroom and so forth. This is going to be a very difficult situation for me regarding privacy and parda. i will have to be in hijab and proper outfit while performing house chores around the house. This brother agreed earlier that they understand this situation and are planning to move into a different house where this won't be a problem (maybe make separate portions). However, now this brother and his family have changed their plan and have decided to live the way they are living now (everybody living together and i will only have a bedroom) and will live the same way anywhere they move. I would like to know what is the Islamic teaching on this. The brother is really nice and religious , mashallah but living together is the only problem that is hindering me from making any decision.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

Dear Sister,

I apologize for taking so long to reply.

Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. Looking for someone with good religion and character is foremost. However, this is not the only consideration. Women should also look for men with stable and lawful incomes, and the ability to support them adequately.

Please see Ustadha Hedaya Hartford's Islamic Marriageat almuhajabat.com for more details on choosing a spouse.

At the very least, a man has to provide his wife with her own separate apartment, even if it's within the confines of his family's home. The wife should have her own living area, bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.

Please think long and hard before you put yourself in a situation where you have no privacy. You deserve your own space. This is not a luxury, but a religious obligation upon your husband.

Please see this related answer:

A Wife's Right to Housing Separate From Her In-Laws and Others http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=273&CATE=87

And Allah knows best.

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Marriage and islamic teachings about living with in-laws

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