Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Some Wisdom regarding children
Adapted from ‘Heavenly Ornaments’ by Qasim Muradabadi
a) You should wash their hands, face, neck, ears, groin, and dirty clothes of children daily. The guidance of the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) highly emphasized the importance of personal hygiene.
b) When the child relieves himself, wash them immediately with water. Do not suffice with wiping him with dry rags (or toilet paper) as this causes itching and inflammation. If it is winter and it is very cold, wash the child with warm water.
a) Make your child sleep separately and protect them from falling—such as placing two pillows on either side of them. By having the child sleeping immediately next to you there is the fear that one of their limbs might get squashed and harmed. We know for a fact that the limbs of children are weak. There is therefore nothing to be surprised about if they get injured.
a) Do not get the child into the inveterate habit of being rocked in a swing excessively because swings are not found everywhere. Similarly, do not get the child into the habit of being carried too much because this weakens the child.
a) Get the child into the habit of going to everyone safe. If a small child gets used to just one particular person and later that person is no longer around, this causes great problems for the child.
a) If you decide to obtain the services of a wet-nurse in order to breast feed your child, ensure that you get a wet-nurse whose milk is wholesome, who is young and whose milk is fresh, i.e. her child must not be more than six to seven months old.
b) At the same time, she must be of good character and religious minded. She must not be weak-minded, immodest, shameless, miserly or greedy.
a) Once the child commences eating solids, do not hand over the responsibility of feeding the child to the maid or domestic servant. Ensure that you feed the child yourself or you appoint a person who is mannerly and also reliable.
b) This is so that the child eats properly, does not eat excessively or too less and thereby falls ill. It also strengthens bonds between parent and child, or between the child and those worthy of emulation.
c) If you have to give any medication to the child, ensure that it is safe and appropriate, and prepared in your presence and given to the child in your presence.
a) When the child reaches the age of understanding, inculcate in them the habit of eating themselves.
b) Wash their hands prior to eating; teach them to eat with their right hand, and to begin in the name of Allah and to end by praising Allah.
c) Inculcate in them the habit of eating moderately so that they are safeguarded from sickness and greed.
a) The parents and those whom they entrust should pay particular attention to the following: they should ensure that the child is neat and tidy all the time. When the hands and face get dirty, they should be washed immediately.
a) If possible, someone should be with the child all the time.
b) When the child is playing around, do not allow him to run around and jump around with absolute restraint.
c) Do not allow him to play in a potentially dangerous elevated place.
d) Ensure that the child plays with the children of good and respectable people.
e) Do not allow him to play with the children of mean and wicked people.
f) Do not allow the child to play among too many children.
g) Do not allow him to play in alleys and on the streets, especially unsupervised or with children whose manners and ways you do not wish for your child.
h) Do not make it a habit to go around in the bazaars and market places with the child.
i) Teach the child appropriate manners and etiquette for different situations and circumstances.
j) Restrain the child from improper and unlawful acts, with wisdom, love, and appropriate discipline.
a) If there is anyone appointed to play with the child, the parents should take care to give them proper instructions and explain matter important to them.
b) Emphasize to the person not to take the child to improper and unsuitable places, or to engage in activities the parents do not approve of (such as television, or music).
c) If they give the child anything to eat or drink, they should first show it to the parents. He must not feed the child out of their own accord.
a) Get the child into the habit of asking only from parents and immediate family. They should not ask for anything from anyone else, unless you have specifically approved. Similarly, they should not accept anything from anyone without your permission.
a) Balance between love and affection and discipline: excessive love and affection without upholding sound discipline will spoil the child.
b) Discipline is a subtle and delicate matter: learn, from sound sources and people, how to discipline your child with a balance of love and firmness.
a) Do not dress the child, whether boy or girl, in tight-fitting clothes.
b) Similarly, do not make the child wear excessively lavish or expensive clothing exception certain occasions such as eid.
a) Teach the child to keep their teeth clean, by brushing them regularly, such as at morning, night and after eating.
b) It is best and most blessed to get the child into the habit of brushing their teeth with a tooth-stick (miswak), for it is the way of the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace), and has numerous benefits.
a) Teach them the guidance of the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) regarding the rules and etiquette of eating, drinking, talking, walking, meeting people, sitting in gatherings, and other worldly matters.
b) Get the child into the habit of adopting all these ways, for the ways of the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) are the most beloved to Allah.
c) Do not depend merely on their learning them when older or on the assumption that you would read them to them later in life.
d) You should remember that a person rarely learns on their own.
d) Similarly, if any sound knowledge is read, taught, or conveyed to them, get them into the habit of putting it into practice immediately. The point of knowledge is action, and without action, the light of knowledge remains dim and the individual’s life unillumined.
e) As long as a person does not get into the habit of adopting and living according to good manners and etiquette, then irrespective of how knowledgeable they become, they will always do things which are considered to be ill-mannered, inappropriate, and things which would cause pain to others, let alone falling into actions and ways Allah has forbidden or deemed disliked.
a) Do not impose too much of work on the child in their studies.
b) Set aside one hour for their studies in the beginning.
c) Thereafter, increase it to two hours and then three hours.
d) In this way, increase the workload in accordance with their capability and how much he can bear.
e) It should not happen that the child is made to study the entire day. This is because he would become easily distracted on account of tiredness.
f) Excessive work is not good for the child’s heart and brain. It is also known to cause their mind and memory to become weak and he will become lazy like a sick person.
g) Worse yet, it could result in their losing interest in studies.
a) Apart from short holidays and without any real need, do not give the child holidays too often. This causes one to become dull and weary by nature.
a) As far as possible, obtain the services of a qualified and reputable teacher in whichever field the child is studying.
b) Some people look for cheap teachers for their children.
c) From the very beginning the method of teaching and studying is wrong and it becomes very difficult to set this right later on.
d) This is particularly important regarding religious instruction, which is the most important instruction for the child, particularly in their formative years—while worldly education is very important for material and worldly success, a child must be equipped with the knowledge, habits, and works that will ensure their spiritual and next-worldly success.
e) Experience shows that easy subjects should be taught later in the day while difficult subjects should be taught in the morning. This is because one is tired and weary later in the day and will therefore become terrified of difficult subjects.
f) Teach your children—both boys and girls but especially the latter—to cook, sew, and keep things clean and tidy.
And Allah alone gives success.
MMVIII © Faraz Rabbani and SunniPath.
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