Troubles in marriage, between wife and in-laws…

I have been married approximately for 2 years now and alhumdulillah, in general, the relationship between my wife and I is a fruitful happy one. However, from the very first instance that I actually said I wanted to get married there were problems. Unfortunately for the past 2-3 years every single event in my life which usually brings happiness to people has ended up in a complete mess. e.g. On the simple nikah ceremony, each family stood in one corner and weren't talking, the father of my wife didnt even talk to anybody. The wedding ceremony was even worse. My mum didn't wanted to talk to me and my wife, my in-laws didn't wanted to talk to us except to whinge...I need not continue and every issue that happened in my household for the past 2-3 years was pretty much a cause for complete stress and misery. Even a simple hello could spark a 1 week argument which I am left to resolve. The main problem I see is between my wife and my mother …. [a lot of details deleted]

wa alaikum salaam,

We would advise that you seriously look into the option of securing separate residence for your family, especially with the advent of your new son. In addition to this:

1) You should make it clear through your actions that you are not affected by this abuse. Being weak only reinforces the behavior of those that are causing you this distress

2) Remember that asking from Allah should be your greatest means in solving the situation. Everything you seek through Allah becomes easy, while nothing you seek through your own self is free of difficulty.

3) Do not neglect the rights of your mother. Be extraordinarily kind to her in clear and undeniable ways.

4) Ensure that your mother limits her involvement in the personal affairs of your wife. Failing to do so will amount to abuse of your wife on your part.

And Allah alone gives success.

Yusuf Mullan

"Indeed this discipline of ours is from cradle to grave. Whoever intends to leave this knowledge of ours for one moment, let him leave it now!"

Mohammed Ibn al-Hassan ash-Shaybani