Answered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
It is difficult for me to comment accurately on what the root of the problem is, given the fact that I am unaware of exactly what has taken place. Nevertheless, I will attempt to give you some general guidelines, Insha Allah.
It is the responsibility of the husband to take care of his wife physically, emotionally, financially, etc. Neglecting oneís wife of her rights is a grave sin as well as being a major cause in the break down of marriages. Thus, it is your responsibility to make sure that you give your wife all her rights.
As for the wife, it is not permissible for her to leave her husbandís house without his consent.
Allah Most High says:
ďAs for those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), refuse to share their beds, (and as a last resort) hit them (lightly)Ö (al-Nisa, 34).
The word ĎNushuzí (disloyalty) in the verse has been explained by the commentators of the Qurían as the woman who is disobedient to her husband in things she is required to obey him, especially to leave the house without his permission.
The jurists (fuqaha) have stated that, a woman who leaves her husbandís house without his permission (nashiza) will not be entitled to any financial support, for entitlement to financial support is due to remaining and restricting herself to the husbandís home. (al-Mawsili, al-Ikhtiyar, 2/225).
Having said that, it must also be remembered that the wife has a right to live (and demand to live) separately. It is the duty and responsibility of the husband to provide her with shelter (suknah).
This shelter must, if she demands so, be free from the interference of any of the husbandís family members. The responsibility of the husband will be fulfilled if the wife is provided with a separate area within the house, and where she is able to keep her belongings and where none of the husbandís family members are able to enter. (Radd al-Muhtar 3/559-600).
You mentioned that your wife had problems with members of your family, thus the solution to the problem may be to provide her with separate living quarters. Many of the marital problems occur (according to my knowledge) due to the husband being negligent in providing his wife with a separate home, which is her basic right in Shariah.
Therefore, first of all you need to come back home to your wife. If you can live and work locally, then that would be ideal. Secondly, provide her with a separate living quarter, and make it clear to all other (your and her) family members not to interfere in your marriage, and try making a fresh start by forgetting and forgiving the past. Insha Allah, with the help of Allah, your problems should be solved.
And Allah knows best
Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK
MMVIII © Qibla.
All rights reserved
No part of this article may be reproduced, displayed, modified, or distributed without the express prior written permission of the copyright holder. For permission, please submit a request at our Helpdesk.
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Knowledge is only through study." While some knowledge can be gained from reading or casually listening to lectures, the best means to gain knowledge is through finding a qualified teacher and then setting up a systematic program of learning. Picking up a book or reading an article and trying to figure things out on our own is no substitute for learning from someone who has a direct link to our living tradition.
Through joining an online class at Qibla, you can benefit from convenient, online courses that will give you access to reliable scholars and our popular curriculum learning tracks. Knowledge gained in these courses will both build your iman and assist you in putting into practice what you learn. Don't give yourself less than you deserve, register today.